The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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