Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
