I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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