I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
