He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Barsexuality is the new black.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
