At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
