Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am one with the molecules
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
