I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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