You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Help. Why am I so naked?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
