I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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