I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
