I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There are leaves in my underwear?
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