i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
