Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
