Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
