His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
