He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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