I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
