my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
