Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
