If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize