Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
