Just fell off a train. Bad.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
