Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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