Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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