You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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