Moan for me like Helen Keller
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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