her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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