I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am midnight drunk by noon
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
