I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
