Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
