is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
