ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
