yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
