he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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