Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
These tits shall not be calmed
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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