i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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