Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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