and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
