"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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