Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I lost the right to judge tonight
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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