Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
