I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
