I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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