I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
