Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
