He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
