I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
