Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
