batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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