last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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