love makes seman taste better
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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