Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
