I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
