You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
