how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
