i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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