Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
