So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
