Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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