I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
