i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
