she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
